Title: Defcon XLII, the Meaning Of Life, The Universe, and Everything Author: Lizz
\n06-01-2013, 08:31 AM
\nVanity had waited in line for more than two hours for her Defcon badge,
\nand was surprised to see that it was a simple gray anodized aluminum plate
\nthe size of a credit card. She’d been expecting something electronic that did
\nsomething fantastic with just a little bit of hacking at the Hardware Hacking
\nVillage. But the Defcon XXI badge looked like a dud.<\/p>\n
She was hoping for at least a Raspberry Pi, or a networked game with a
\npersistent graphic display. Last year’s badge contained a small camera that
\ngrabbed a photo of each passing face, and matched it to social networking
\nprofile pictures. It wrote the passer-by’s name and other personal
\ninformation to a small screen, and if you pushed a little button on the back
\nof the badge, a friend request would be sent.<\/p>\n
Until now, the badges had been getting better every year.<\/p>\n
Her disappointment must have been apparent, because the woman behind the
\npolished marble counter told her that if she wanted something really special,
\nshe could buy a bright red version of the badge which included a donation of
\n500 dollars to the EFF, an organization Vanity had strongly supported in the
\npast. She cringed a little at the price, but withdrew 500 dollars from the
\ncDc-branded ATM at the counter, giving the woman her cash without counting
\nit. Vanity\u2019s friends Jax and Mariel who were behind her in line looked pretty
\njealous, so she offered to pay for half of their donation for a red badge if
\nthey came up with the other half. But although the two had plenty of cash,
\nboth opted for the plainer version.<\/p>\n
The three then headed to the chill out room where they decided to wait
\nfor a talk called Booter Shell Booty given by Random Asset. The room had
\nbeen decorated most awesomely, with a band of anime hacker characters
\nmarching in a line around the four walls. Mariel, a decent graphic artist by
\ntrade, couldn’t figure out how it was done. Not projected — maybe be some
\nkind of flexible fabric screen that isn’t on the market yet, she thought.
\nJax brought three drinks to a table, and they grabbed chairs — fortuitous
\ntiming, because the hall where the newbie track was held had just emptied.
\nTwo minutes later, there were no chairs to be had. With an hour\u2019s break
\nbefore the next sessions were due to start, the crowded room was really
\nbuzzing.<\/p>\n
Quite suddenly, the buzz gave way to a strange, nearly hysterical hum
\nthat grew quickly in volume. People around the room began to look at each
\nother, and then at their badges, and a nervous tension began to pervade the
\nspace. Jax, Mariel, and Vanity looked at their badges. They were amazed to
\nsee beautiful silvery letters forming on the the two gray metal plates.<\/p>\n
The badges were awesome! The hysterical hum gave way to raucous
\ncheering as shiny letters written in a font right out of Harry Potter began
\nscrolling across the gray surface. But the mood tensed rapidly as the
\nhackers read the sinister message.<\/p>\n
“Welcome to the The New Model Hacker Army Flash Mob. If remove your badge,
\nyou will die. Your badge is listening to you. Your badge is watching you.”<\/p>\n
Jax laughed out loud when he read the message. Without a word, he
\nimmediately pulled his badge off over his head. In the blink of an eye,
\nthere was nothing but a wisp of smoke where he had been standing. And he
\nwasn’t the only one to disappear; dozens of attendees were erased as if
\nthey had never existed.<\/p>\n
Mariel began screaming and ran toward the casino exit. Vanity raced
\nafter her, weaving in and out of the patrons headed to try their luck with
\nthe one-armed bandits. At that precise moment, a small woman, who later
\nturned out to be Shrdlu, shouted “Jackpot!” and leapt off her chair, backing
\ninto Vanity, who went sprawling across the carpet into a quart-sized bucket
\nof quarters. Vanity\u2019s head collided with a metal post. Welcome to the
\nmachine, she laughed to herself. The room faded to black.<\/p>\n
When Vanity awoke, her first thought was that she’d had way too much to
\ndrink, and had passed out. But when she looked around for Mariel, felt her
\nthrobbing head, and saw Jax’ swag bag on the floor, everything came rushing
\nback. She staggered out of the casino, but there was no sign of her best
\nfriend.<\/p>\n
Once back in the casino, she saw her horror reflected in the faces of
\ndozens of mostly young, mostly male attendees wearing black tee shirts. They
\nwere clustering into frenzied groups to discuss their fate while trying to
\nmake sense of what they had just seen. Each wore a metal badge with its shiny
\nmessage still visible. Each had seen a “wisp” or more of their own, and each
\nwas prepared to act in accordance with any instruction that showed up on the
\nbadge. Vanity looked down at her red badge. It now read, “Welcome to
\nDefcon. Thank you for donating to the EFF.”<\/p>\n
When she looked up, she saw Gmark and Phenfen sitting down at a newly
\nemptied table, each with a Sam Adams Summer Ale in hand. Gmark had a red
\nbadge, while Phenfen sported the metallic albatross. She told them what had
\nhappened with Jax and Mariel. They told her they\u2019d been out by the
\nadults-only pool when they saw Dogten, Dotzero, and Da Kahuna puff out.
\nThey\u2019d left Irritant sleeping in a lounge chair wearing nothing but her bunny
\nears.<\/p>\n
\u201cAt first I thought it was The Rapture,\u201d said Phenfen, \u201cbut then I
\nrealized their clothing was gone, too.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThen I saw the letters forming on his badge,\u201d said Gmark, pointing to
\nPhenfen.<\/p>\n
The three began to speculate on how the badge worked, with Vanity
\nsuggesting, “Maybe it’s got a gyro, so it can tell if it goes over your
\nhead.”<\/p>\n
A young girl wearing a UAT tee-shirt asked, “You mean gyro like a Greek
\nsandwich?”<\/p>\n
“Geek sandwich is more like it,” said another girl who appeared to be an
\nidentical twin. “You can ignore her. We came here with our Dad. He’s gone.”<\/p>\n
Gmark, ignoring the girls, said he doubted the badge really had a camera
\nor microphone, and the sooner they could take a closer look and do some
\nexperimentation, the better. He glanced at Phenfen\u2019s chest and said, \u201cBut
\nwhere can we get a badge?\u201d<\/p>\n
Phenfen shuddered, “You wouldn’t say that if you were wearing this
\nmessage on your overpriced red tax receipt!”<\/p>\n
“Overpriced red *what* did you call me?”<\/p>\n
The three looked up to see Fizzgig standing at their table. “Pull uppa
\nchair,” Phenfen spoke solemnly.<\/p>\n
Fizzgig wasted no time telling Phenfen how sorry he was that he hadn’t
\nbeen able to pick up a badge before everything had gone south. And of course,
\nnow they weren’t selling the badges anymore. But then he told Vanity and
\nGmark that he’d heard from a pretty reliable source that the red badges had
\nimmunity. “Lizzz took hers off as soon as she read the gray ones. Word is
\nnothing happened. But you know she’s a special case, even the devil is
\nis afraid of her.\u201d<\/p>\n
Everyone at the little table laughed, and they realized that it was the
\nfirst humor that had been shared in what seemed like several grim hours. As
\nif to chastise them, Phenfen’s metal badge began to emit a high frequency
\nwail. Then, as quickly as it started, the piercing sound was gone. He looked
\nat his badge and quivered as a new message formed:<\/p>\n
“FINAL WARNING! Do not attempt to remove your badge.”<\/p>\n
“I need a badge to work on,” Fizzgig said solemnly, looking at Phenfen.<\/p>\n
“No!” said Phenfen, without hesitation, grabbing his badge as if it were
\nthe family jewels and he were naked in a shark tank. To his horror, the badge
\nsnapped off its lanyard, and before he could scream, he was gone. Vanished.
\nDust in the wind. But his gray badge bounced twice and remained behind.<\/p>\n
One of the twins whispered, “That’s what happened to our dad.”<\/p>\n
“Let’s have a moment of silence,” Vanity whispered. She and Phenfen been
\ngood friends for a long time, but at least now Fizzgig had a badge to work
\non, and if anyone could solve their problem, he was the man to do it. So it
\nwas a good thing. She picked up Phenfen’s beer, took a swallow and said,
\n“You’d better take his badge to the Hardware Hacking Village.”<\/p>\n
– – –<\/p>\n
Phenfen opened his eyes and rubbed them. His nostrils were filled with
\nthe odor of rancid ketchup and Earl Grey Tea with Bergamot. He saw eyes
\nstaring into his.<\/p>\n
“Roamer?”<\/p>\n
“You’ll be dizzy for a minute or two, Phen.”<\/p>\n
“Where is this?” He looked around and it was still the Rio, but it
\nlooked very different. The windows were changing their view. It was the
\nright view, but the colors were changing, then there was rain, and then a
\nwoodchuck popped up right in the front corner of the window. He laughed,
\n“Is this Heaven?”<\/p>\n
“Nope. Apparently it’s Defcon 42, and we are about to learn the Meaning
\nof Life, the Universe, and Everything. That\u2019s an android,” Roamer said,
\npointing to a man in a black uniform.<\/p>\n
“Take a seat, gentlemen and ladies,” ordered the android, who looked a
\nlot like an older version of Lo57 with unusually smooth skin. He pointed to
\nsome chairs, which were being setup by… themselves. “The green ones are
\nready,” he smiled. “They are self-organizing. That little bee-fi is their
\ncontroller. Watch, it flies to each group. We order chairs, and they just
\nshow up.”<\/p>\n
“Whoa! Bee-fi! Holy salami!”, said Digi, “Those are awesome.” He pulled
\nout a SkyKord to make notes.<\/p>\n
“No recording,” said the Lo57droid. “We will provide everything you are
\nallowed to take back.”<\/p>\n
An audible sigh of relief spilled from those within earshot. This was
\nthe first mention of \u201cback.\u201d<\/p>\n
A small silver-haired woman walked to a podium which had wheeled itself
\nto the front of the chairs. As the hackers began to find seats, she tested
\nher microphone. Her invisible microphone.<\/p>\n
“Test…eee…sss…k-k…up…good.”<\/p>\n
She turned toward the audience and smiled. “Please allow our androids
\nto help you find seats.\u201d<\/p>\n
She looked over the crowd and began. \u201cSome of you may remember me. My
\nname is Vanity, and I am a couple of decades older than I was in your \u201cthis
\nmorning\u201d. Welcome to 2034, and believe it or not, we haven’t been nuked yet.
\nI was selected to make this presentation because I am the least likely person
\nto believe you when you return and tell me I was speaking. So please. Don’t
\ntell me.”<\/p>\n
“Rule 1: Don’t tell Vanity.”<\/p>\n
“I’m sure that you are all wondering where you are, how you got here,
\nand why. Sadly, the world has taken a turn for the worse, and while there are
\na lot of good people with great technology, there are also bad people with
\neven greater technology. In short, we need you. We need people who are
\nwilling to break rules. Each one of you took off your badge immediately
\nafter being told it would kill you. I like that.”<\/p>\n
From the front row, a smaller than average boy with dreadlocks yelled,
\n“Are we dead?” This was his first Defcon, and despite thinking he was dead,
\nhe wanted to be sure he’d be able attend another one.<\/p>\n
Vanity laughed, “Of course not, Willy! But please hold the rest of
\nyour questions. I’ll probably cover them.”<\/p>\n
“Twenty years ago, most science fiction that dealt with time travel
\nconcerned itself with the M.Y. paradox. So I just want to clear something
\nup right now. Although the past can change the future, Meeting Yourself is
\nnothing to fear. However, in order to avoid complications, we\u2019ve sent the
\ncurrent you on an all-expense paid vacation to Rainbow Sands. So you have
\nthat to look forward to the next time you visit 2034.”<\/p>\n
“Next, we have embedded a mild hallucinogenic and tranquilizer in the
\nlanyard you received with your badge, so those who didn’t travel will be
\nunsure of what happened when you disappeared. It will be chalked up to
\nproblems in the Rio’s ventilation system. At the same time, it will help
\nthose of you who traveled here to remember your instructions on a deeply
\nsubconscious level.”<\/p>\n
“Rule 2: There was a problem with the ventilation system at the Rio.”<\/p>\n
Vanity continued to speak for about twenty minutes, explaining how each
\nof the small changes the hackers would make in their lives upon return to
\nDefcon 21 would butterfly. \u201cYes, butterfly is a verb these days; it means to
\nchange the future. We also say brain-google, or broogle for short. It means
\nthink. We say LOLOLOL still, too. But I\u2019m hoping we can broogle up a plan
\nto butterfly that away with one of your patches. A patch is a little fix for
\nyour broogler, LOLOL. JK. But I digress.\u201d<\/p>\n
Vanity then told them a little about the future and how things had
\nchanged in the past two decades. \u201cWe have very little privacy and no right
\nto encryption. There are cameras everywhere, maybe fifty in this room alone.
\nThey are as hard to spot as my microphone, even if you know where to look.
\nAnd they don\u2019t just take pictures, they analyze them. And act on what they
\nthink they see.\u201d<\/p>\n
At that, Flea looked to the left and winked. Then he looked to the right
\nand winked again, just in case. A Lo57droid walked over to him and said,
\n“Come with me, sir.”<\/p>\n
Flea, not used to being called “sir”, replied, “Ouch!” But he followed
\nout of curiosity, hoping that he hadn\u2019t winked at the wrong camera.<\/p>\n
As he was escorted from the room with several others, Vanity made her
\nclosing remarks, “All of you will receive specific instructions in a
\none-on-one session following refreshments. This is the last time I will see
\nyou until you return to 2013. So Godspeed in your backward journey, and
\nremember rule #1. This means you, Ryan.”<\/p>\n
The remaining forty or so time-travelers were at last led to a banquet
\nroom where food that can only be described as “interesting” was being served.
\nOctalpussy helped herself to something that looked like like sun-dried
\nsquidfruit, while Grifter chose a roll of sushi that he hoped was a curried
\nCalifornia roll. Noid took a piece of sliced green \u201cmeat\u201d rolled around
\ncream cheese and scallions, commenting that it should really have a
\ntoothpick, but didn’t. It took four Meaning of Life Goons to explain why
\nprotein magnets worked especially well on Soylent slices.<\/p>\n
High Wiz took a small iced cake which looked like a petit four. It
\ntasted disgusting, so he glanced around, dropped it, and kicked it under the
\nskirted table. From the corner of his eye, he saw a flat green disk roll by
\nand proceed under the table. In bright orange letters, it said: SoylentVAXX.
\nHe thought to himself that the SoylentVAXX company might be just the thing
\nto invest in, and he scratched the name into the palm of his hand with a
\nbroken fingernail.<\/p>\n
Lockheed, who just happened to have a scanner in his pocket, inquired
\nabout using the restroom. He surreptitiously clicked the scanner on as he
\nfollowed the Lo57droid down a dark hallway. Once inside a stall, (thanking
\nhis lucky stars there were still bathrooms) he glanced at the scanner. He’d
\nrecorded a huge amount of traffic, but most of it was highlighted in pink,
\nwhich meant “protocol unknown.” He sighed, then looked up and saw that the
\nstall door was in fact a large display screen advertising things that he
\ncould do during his stay in “Moss Vegas.”<\/p>\n
“Holy shit!”<\/p>\n
His comments were duly noted by the stall’s video recorder, then quickly
\ntransmitted to hotel security in three different languages.<\/p>\n
The first person to be escorted from the refreshment room was Siviak,
\nstill munching on a grapple. His Lo57droid led him down a sterile hallway
\npast windows showing the Las Vegas skyline. It was very different than the
\nview of the Strip from his room at the Rio. Most buildings were the same,
\nbut the strip’s skyline was deeper as he looked to the east. The city must
\nhave at least tripled in size. Then the Lo57droid turned to him and pointed
\nto a door. Bowing deeply, it said, “Thank you for your service to us.”<\/p>\n
Siviak saw his name etched on the door in large gold letters. Beneath
\nhis name, he read \u201cChief of Artificial Personnel Design and Security.\u201d He
\nentered cautiously.<\/p>\n
Gideon was the last to be escorted to a briefing session. She hadn’t
\neaten anything, and was worried that her mom would be panicking because she
\nhad disappeared. Even though she was sixteen now, and this was her eighth
\nDefcon, she wasn\u2019t allowed out of her mother\u2019s sight. She hoped it wouldn’t
\nbe too long before they were returned.<\/p>\n
Once inside the room, Gideon saw a much older version of Priest sitting
\nbehind a desk. In a chair to his right, was Nikita, who hadn\u2019t aged a bit.
\nIn a corner of the room, she spied a giant pair of autographed blow-up Easter
\neggs in a walnut and glass display box. Gideon did a double-take and laughed.<\/p>\n
Priest looked at her and said, “I forget how little you are.”<\/p>\n
Gideon replied, “And I forget how big you are!”<\/p>\n
Nikita said, “All the better to greet you with! … Seriously, can we
\nget down to business?”<\/p>\n
The two explained to Gideon that she would sleep in a comfortable chair
\nfor about ten minutes while a recorded message played. That was it. Then she
\nwould be returned with the others to the Rio. About 25 minutes would have
\nelapsed, although it would seem longer.<\/p>\n
– – –<\/p>\n
Back in the Rio 2013, the mood was pretty grim. Fizzgig, Joe Grand,
\nand Captain Crunch were huddled together in the back of the Hardware Hacking
\nVillage. The room smelled like Long Island Ice Tea and burning capacitors.<\/p>\n
Fizzgig soldered the last component to the board, and slid Phenfen\u2019s
\ngray badge inside a slot he\u2019d made. Next, Joe downloaded the quick and dirty
\nmicrocode he\u2019d written. The two looked at Cap’n and he looked back. He took
\na tiny plastic whistle from his pocket and blew his 2600 Hertz signature.
\nThey waited, then they waited a little longer, and still nothing happened.
\nCap\u2019n crossed his fingers, blew once more, and after a short pause, the
\nthree were rewarded with a click.<\/p>\n
– – –<\/p>\n
In 2034, Phenfen’s cell phone rang. Without checking who the caller
\nwas, he reached in his pocket and hit ignore.<\/p>\n
– – –<\/p>\n
The three time-phreaks hadn’t expected much, and when that’s what they
\ngot, they went back to the chill room where Vanity was sitting with Whitfield
\nDiffie. The two had ordered a bottle of End of the World as We Know It
\nScotch, and were rapidly depleting it. Whit was wiping Vanity’s tears with a
\ncocktail napkin, saying, “This is all my fault.”<\/p>\n
Crunch did that squiggly thing he does with his eyebrows, wiped a loose
\nresister from his beard and said, “We tried.”<\/p>\n
– – –<\/p>\n
In 2034, Banasidhe sat at a large console. She pushed buttons, turned
\ndials, slid sliders, then put her hand into something that looked like a VCR.
\n“Back to the past, little ones, and remember to do the right thing,” she
\nwhispered gently. “Don’t forget we love you all.” Her console lights flashed
\nyellow, then red, then green. She smiled. She looked at the small group
\nstanding around the console. Each one was wearing a black badge.<\/p>\n
– – –<\/p>\n
In the chill out room at the Rio 2013, lights flickered and dimmed. The
\nsound of silence grew and then diminished as the missing hackers began to
\nmaterialize. The first thing Vanity saw was a watery glow like heat on the
\nhighway — a desert mirage. Next came dots, colored dots, colored clumping
\ndots like a DanKam tee, and then there were shapes. Shapes finally became
\npeople. All around the room missing hackers were appearing, and being
\nrecognized by friends and loved ones who had thought them lost forever.
\nVanity ran to Jax, and hugged him, until she saw Gideon materialize and
\nshrieked, “I thought you were sleeping in the room all this time! I didn\u2019t
\neven know you had your badge! Your mother is gonna kill you! And me!”<\/p>\n
Over in the DJ corner, Jackalope, who had been spinning only her saddest
\ntunes quickly started playing Gangnam Style, the first upbeat track that
\npopped into her mind. She flipped on some disco lights and to her surprise
\nhundreds of hackers stood up, pushed tables and chairs out of the way and
\nstarted dancing in lines.<\/p>\n
Russ turned to Zak and said, \u201cSomebody put something in my drink.\u201d<\/p>\n
Meanwhile, in a little room hidden behind the official swag sales tables
\nin the Rio’s Convention Center lobby, a select group of people looked at each
\nother. Bansidhe slowly twisted a dial to the left until it locked. Then she
\nstood up and adjusted her strappy black leather warrior outfit, ran her
\nfingers through her sagging blue Mohawk, and turned to Jeff Moss and Jennifer
\nGranick with a smile.<\/p>\n
“This will be our biggest donation yet,\u201d she said, picking up a riding
\ncrop that had been a gift from the future. Stamped in the black leather
\nwere the words \u201cEFF 2034 Give \u2018til it Hurts Campaign.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNext stop, BloodKode Challenge.\u201d Title: Defcon XLII, the Meaning Of Life, The Universe, and Everything Author: Lizz 06-01-2013, 08:31 AM Vanity had waited in line for more than two hours for her Defcon badge, and was surprised to see that it was a simple gray anodized aluminum plate the size of a credit card. She’d been expecting something electronic […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-70","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.celph.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/70","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.celph.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.celph.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.celph.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.celph.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=70"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/www.celph.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/70\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":73,"href":"https:\/\/www.celph.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/70\/revisions\/73"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.celph.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=70"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.celph.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=70"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.celph.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=70"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}
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